You lost more than your life

When we lost you Cole, it wasn’t just your life that was lost. It was all of the hopes and dreams that we had for you, that you had for yourself.

When you lose a child, you not only mourn for your child, but you mourn for what could have been, what should have been. All of the hopes and dreams that as parents, we had for you, are gone. Simply gone. The hopes of taking pictures of you looking so handsome in your tux at your senior prom. The hopes of watching you walk across the stage to take that diploma. The dream of watching you stand next to your brother as his Best Man in his wedding. The dream of hearing you speak at Blake’s wedding reception. The dream of watching you work through college to achieve your lifelong dream of becoming a gunsmith. The dream of knowing that you are living your own dream of building guns and breaking records. The dream of me dancing with you to our “mother/son” dance at your wedding. The dream of seeing you become a father and loving my grandchildren. The dream of knowing that you and your brother would have each as best friends…forever.

All of this is gone. All of this will never become a reality. We lost your whole life Cole…you lost your whole life. You lost out on so much that we took for granted, that we never thought twice about being able to do with you. All of that is lost. As your mom, I cry for all of this, all of what could have been.

I know that there are parents who lost even more, who lost watching their child start kindergarten, or learning how to drive. My heart breaks for all of them because this is the worst pain, most gut wrenching journey I have ever been on and sometimes I just pray that I wake up. I pray that this was all just a nightmare and that God wakes me up.

Then I remember what you lived by…everything happens for a reason. I know that Jesus reached for your hand that day Cole, and you took it. I am proud of you for that Cole. I am proud of your faith, I am proud that you shared your faith with everyone you loved. That is what gets me through this. Because I know that you loved God, you accepted Jesus as your savior, and I know that you are with Him. I thank God that you are with Him Cole, as much as I want you back here, I know that you are in heaven, and you are saving us a place.

We love you Cole. Forever and always. We will see you again someday, and that day will be the biggest celebration this world has ever seen.

Love mom