Where was God?

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Where was God on the day that my son died? That one day, one minute, one second that I lost my son? Where was He when that car pulled in front of him, when he had no where to go, and he tried everything to save his life? Where was He when I knelt next to my son and cried as he lie in the middle of the road? Where was He when I cried out to Him to be with my son? Where was He when we hit every red light on the way to the hospital, when I ran into the hospital screaming Cole’s name? Where was He when Cole’s brother broke into a thousand pieces? Where was He when my family fell to there knees in desperation? Where was He when we came home to an empty house, when I got up the next morning and couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, and couldn’t function? Where is He each day as I fight to get up without my son?

God was in the same place that He was when His son was crucified and died on the cross. God was with my son when that car pulled out in front of him. He was with my son while he lay in the middle of the road. He was with my son in the ambulance as the first responders tried frantically to save him. God was with me when I ran into that hospital. God was with us as we waited to hear from the doctor. God was with me on my ride home, as I slept and when I awoke.

God has been with me since the day I accepted Him into my heart, my life and my soul. God has never left me, and He made that promise to me before I was born. God was with my son, He always had been. When I lost my son, my rambunctious, full of life boy, I realized that God has always been with me. It took discovering the conviction and faith that my son had within him, for me to realize that if I open my heart and let God in, He will never leave my side. Jesus reached for my son’s hand that day, that moment, and he took it. I am proud to say that my son believed in God, accepted Jesus as his savior, and I know that he is now flying high as one of God’s angel warriors. If my son cannot be with me, his mom who loves him more than life, there is only one other place I wish for him to be, and that is with the Lord, who loves him more than we can imagine.

Each day God takes my hand, He guides me, and He comforts me. I find peace in that. I find comfort in that, and I have faith in that. I completely trust God and although as difficult as it may be, I will not understand, but God does have a plan. It’s not up to me to figure it out, but it is up to me to glorify His name, believe in Him, trust in Him and love Him. God will never leave me, and He never left Cole.

Some day, God will call me home to be with my son again. Some day, my family will again, be whole. Until then, I will live my life to make Cole proud, to make God proud, and to make a difference.

I love you forever Cole,

Love mom

29 Replies to “Where was God?”

  1. Gina,
    This is perfectly said.. I am trying to get this message through to Becky. She is having a real hard time with my future. I pray for you, Chad and Blake everyday. God has a plan for all of us..

    1. Thank you so much Charlie. You are an amazing, inspirational, and gentle soul who has touched so many lives! My heart goes out to you, Becky and the kids. I can’t imagine your situation, but I can only imagine the heartache, anger and loneliness that you all must be feeling. Sometimes we question, we get angry, and we simply do not understand…and that’s ok. I had to look really deep into my soul because I questioned my own reason for living. I thought I had God in my heart, but until I lost Cole, I didn’t realize that I hadn’t really allowed Him in. I pray that your family leans on faith, that they find comfort in knowing that no matter what happens, this is not the life we were really made for. We were made for a much bigger purpose and when we get there, we will be together forever, for eternity, with nothing but happiness and joy. God does have a plan for all of us, you are so right, and I know that God loves you Charlie. He is with you, and He is with your family. I pray for you every night. We love your family so much.

  2. Each day I drive past the site and think of you and say a prayer. As a mother, my heart aches for your loss. You are blessed by your faith and will always have God and Cole with you.

    1. Gina I pray for you and your family every day. Unfortunately we have life crisis to realize God is always with us and we can only cherish the times we have. I have experienced a really rough few years and without our Lord I would have crumbled and died. Faith will help you through this and if I can ever help in anyway I would be honored to.
      Prayers,
      Leslie

      1. Thank you so much Leslie! You are so right…without God and our faith, I would not be here today. I have a new meaning to life and a new perspective on what really matters. Thank you so much for your prayers! I will always keep you in my prayers as well.

  3. This brought me to tears. You are such an inspiration to so many people. You’re faith is inspiring and true. Much love to the Buehner family.

  4. Gina, what a beautiful sentiment to pass along. You are an inspiration to many and a hero to others.

  5. Gina I find so much joy in your testimony! Probably THE HARDEST thing imaginable is the loss of a child and yet you are able to trust in our Lord!!! I know JESUS and Cole are smiling down at you as you witness to the world! There really is No better way to carry on Cole’s name than in the same sentence as JESUS!!! God bless you and your family!

  6. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I lost my son a year and a half ago. He had a motorcycle accident. I know that my son is in Heaven watching over many people who loved him so much. I think of him standing watch at Heaven’s gate. He was a Marine and suffered from PTSD and TBI. I know that he no longer suffers from earthly pains and sorrows. However knowing all of this I still miss him so much and long to hear his voice and hug him tightly. From a mother in a similar situation my prayers are with you.

    1. Joyce, my prayers are with you as well. I feel your pain….a pain that only those who are in this club can really understand. I miss my son with every beat of my heart, as I know you do yours. You WILL be with your son again Joyce, and he is most certainly standing watch at Heaven’s gates, while he is saving a place for you. I find comfort in knowing that my son is in the most beautiful place, beyond human imagination; a place with no sorrows, no pain and no suffering. As Cole once told me when he was 4 after his grandpa died, “it’s the most beautiful place ever mom, and he wouldn’t want to come back, even if God let him.” Maybe my son and your son have already met, Cole wanted to be a gunsmith or a Marine Sniper :)! My prayers are with you Joyce.

  7. Gina, you did an amazingly wonderful job expressing yourself, and I applaud your courage and your continued faith. You said it beautifully. Prayers for all of you until that glorious reunion in Heaven. He will never leave you or forsake you.

  8. I was driving by the site tonight, the sun was setting just as it was that night. I remember putting my hands on my knees and praying for God not to create more patients than we could handle until EMS arrived. It’s been a long time since I have questioned my purpose in my career, I know however it was meant for those of us who were there to be there at that moment. I know as I rounded the vehicle I was in, to render first aid, I instantly thought, God please, he belongs to someone. Please know that we continue to pray for you and your family.

    1. Cathie, were you the person who was trying to give my son breath as my husband and I arrived?! I have prayed to God that he would let our paths cross once again because I have to thank you for everything you did! You have no idea what you mean to me and my family. I have thought about you every day and I would love to meet with you! I want to hug you, and thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Knowing that my son was not alone immediately after the crash, and that someone cared for him, means more than you’ll ever know. I thank God that you were there Cathie. If you would be up to it, I would love meet with you! You can message me on http://www.facebook.com/coleshopefoundation if you would be up to it.

  9. Miss Gina,
    I am the nurse that was there with the off duty medic. The off duty medic actually was the one trying to breathe with and for Cole. I will try to connect your paths. I think my neighbor knows someone who knows her. My daughter went to school with Cole and they were friends. She was so crushed by his passing. She asked me to take her to the visitation, I told her I would sit in the car because I too was having a difficult time with this and if we went to the visitation I couldn’t handle going to the funeral. Upon arriving at the visitation, I see Coke’s best friend outside. I just cried in the car. My daughter wondering what was going on. I told her that was the boy that had to have been the one with Cole’s barefoot Mom (I know it had to have been this young man’s Mom). I would recognize him (Dan) anywhere and I recognized her (your) cry and pain as a Mother anywhere. She encouraged me to come in , to at least speak with him. I finally did. He recognized me, broke my heart. I have lost my best friend. I was 22 though. The pain is so great. It took me years to believe I would survive her death. Being a Mom I wanted to comfort my daughter’s pain , however, I was going through my own grieving process. I did not want to go in and if I did I wanted to get in and out. What a beautiful tribute/testimony to a well loved young man. She did get me to go to the funeral service also. I stayed in the in farthest exit in case I needed out. It was a beautiful testament to a young man who was loved by so many. I believe I met your neighbor. She was at the accident scene and not doing well either, but her daughter was with her and was very good and cool under pressure, I encouraged her to look into the medical field. Her Mom and I spoke for a bit. I know her daughter and Cole were friends.
    Please know that those of us who stopped to render aid were praying for your son. I too questioned where God was that day, that hour, and at that moment. I know how it impacted me. I know that I was were I was supposed to be. It took me some time to get there though.
    Prayers continue for you and your family.
    Cathie

    1. Cathie, I cannot thank you enough. To know that those who were first at the crash, tended to my son and prayed for him means more than you know. You have shown so much compassion towards my son and I can never thank you enough for that. I remember you at the cemetery, hugging me so tightly. I could feel your grief and to know that you helped and prayed for my son means the world to me. Dan arrived at the scene right after Chad and I arrived, and my heart still breaks for him and what he saw. Those two were best friends since kindergarten and Cole truly loved him as a brother. God put you there on that day, at that time, for a reason. There are no words in the dictionary to describe my gratitude for you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

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