Grief stole from me…

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What does grief steal from you?  Going through grief can leave you completely empty, extremely fragile and broken. It can literally take your breath away and shatter your heart into a thousand pieces. It can take you to a place you never wanted to be. It can be an anchor, holding you down with a firm grip, unwilling to let go.

It can steal your smile, your laugh and your joy. It can steal your identity, your thoughts and your feelings. It steals your purpose, your intentions and your behaviors. It stole my soul. It stole my heart. It stole my life. It stole half of my reason for being a mom. Half of my reason for living.

But what are the things that grief did NOT steal from me? It did not steal my love for my son. It did not steal all of the wonderful memories of him growing up and sharing his life with us. It did not steal my son’s love for life. It did not steal the love I have for my other son or my reason to continue being a mother. It did not steal my whole heart or my entire soul. It did not steal my faith or my trust in God. It did not steal my love for God, or my conviction to be true to Him.

What grief did for me, was gave me new purpose, new meaning and a new perspective. It gave me a greater love for my family and my life. It deepened my love for God, my trust in Him, and my conviction to live by His word. It gave my soul a different reason to thrive, to grow and to love. It made me understand the difference between wanting something, and truly needing something. It renewed my compassion for others, for life and to make a difference. It revived my drive to find the beauty in our world, in nature, and in each day.

Most importantly, grief made me realize what really matters in my life. It made me realize all of the people in the world who worry about such “things” and take for granted, the gift in each day. Grief made me realize how much I love being a mom. It made me realize, that although I cannot change what happened, it can never steal from me the fact that God chose ME to be Cole’s mom, and us to be Cole’s family. God truly blessed me in my life, and the ultimate sacrifice saved me, by bringing me closer to God. I know now, without a doubt, that by God’s grace, this separation from my son is only temporary and I look forward to the day that God calls me home too.

I love you forever Cole.

Love mom

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