Gina Buehner – Cole’s mom forever

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Thank you for visiting Cole’s Hope Foundation’s Blog! My name is Gina Buehner and I am Cole’s mom, forever. I am the mother of two beautiful boys, Blake, who will soon celebrate his 21st birthday, and Cole, who is now our guardian angel. On October 21, 2014, we lost one of our extraordinary sons, Cole, when his life was taken while he was riding a motorcycle and another driver failed to yield at an intersection.

While we struggle to fight our way through this nightmare, I have found sharing my thoughts, Cole’s story, and his passion to help others to be therapeutic. Cole’s Hope Foundation was created to keep Cole’s spirit of giving others HOPE alive. I encourage you to read all about Cole’s inspirational spirit and our reason for creating this foundation on our website.  We will continue  his passion for the rest of our lives. We will offer HOPE, to those who need it most.

I hope that as you read my blog posts, you might smile, laugh, and find inspiration for whatever circumstance you might be going through yourself.

Live life to the fullest,

Gina Buehner

Cole’s mom forever.



The Truth

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Some days I struggle to stand…to open my eyes…to take a breath, without you. Some days I beg that God calls me home. I’m your mom. I need to be with you. I’m supposed to protect you, to love you, to guide you. I wasn’t there at that moment. I wasn’t there. I would have thrown myself in front of that car Cole. If only I could go back.

What really happened that day? For those who seek to know the truth…and for those who assumed they knew, here is the truth. The entire crash was captured on surveillance video from the National Geospatial Agency. We have viewed the video. Cole was traveling northbound on Vogel Road in the right lane. There was no car in front of him.  A vehicle was traveling southbound on Vogel Road turning left onto Depot Road.  As the two vehicles approached the intersection, Cole’s traffic signal was solid green.  Cole had the right of way through the intersection.  The driver turning left, who admittedly “wasn’t looking”, was obligated by law to yield to oncoming traffic.  He did not yield.  Cole did everything he could to save his life but as the driver rolled through the turn and heard my son, he looked up and stopped, subsequently blocking the intersection.  This left nowhere for my son to go and no time for him to stop. Cole was not traveling 100 mph, 90, 80, 70 mph…..and for those who passed along information that he was, I implore you to research what happens to the human body when it collides with a stopped vehicle at these speeds. I was at the crash scene. I saw my son lying in the street. He looked angelic. He was whole. There were no visible injuries except for a broken ankle.  Cole’s fatal injury was to his head.  His helmet failed him.  His other injuries were not life threatening. His eyes looked as though he was staring at something beautiful, and he undoubtedly was. Jesus carried my son home that day. God needed him. Cole now resides where I long to be.

To the two girls who claimed to be “witnesses” and in fact arrived after we left the crash scene, you should be ashamed.  You were not there out of concern but out of curiosity and you should research the definition of slander. This is what you have done.

To the police officers who dismissed, ridiculed and mocked my 17 year-old son’s death, you disgust me.  My son’s life mattered.  We lost our reason for living that day and these officers couldn’t muster the energy to perform their due diligence.  There were no life saving methods used on my son at the scene by you.  You treated his crash and his life as an inconvenience.  When I questioned why the driver’s blood had not been sent to the lab for toxicology testing after 96 DAYS in storage you stated to me that “our timeline isn’t your timeline” and “it’s not the quicky mart”.  You told me my son’s crash photos were “gross”.  You referred to his death as “crap”.  You held on to blood evidence because you were busy with “vacations” and “holidays” and because after all, “it doesn’t go bad like cottage cheese or 2% milk”.  I’m quite certain if it were your son that had died, you would have sent the blood sample within the typical 24-hour period to be tested while it was still viable.  Your lack of diligence to process evidence in a timely manner may have jeopardized the quality of the toxicology results from a repeat DWI offender with a 2 year interlock sentence and prior drug charges. You added insult to injury by citing my son for all contributing factors to the crash.  You couldn’t gather the energy to give the other driver a citation for FAILURE TO YIELD because “It would raise more questions.”  Where is the accountability? Your mishandling of evidence only magnified our grief and unnecessarily prolonged the investigation into the events that led to my son’s death.  So to the police officers involved, I will leave this justice in God’s hands. I’ve done my part and He knows the truth.

To the man who pulled in front of my son. If you “weren’t looking” because you were distracted, I need to know. If you kept going, failed to yield and stopped in the middle of the intersection because you were under the influence of something, I need to know. I know that marijuana was in your blood, but I need to know why. Do you ever think of my son? Does he ever cross your mind? Are you more attentive now? Do you still drink and drive? Do you still smoke marijuana? Do you even know who my son is? Do you know his character, his compassion, his heart? Do you know that his life mattered? I hope to meet you someday. I will be honest, I am angry. Not angry if you made a mistake, but angry if there is more to the story. I am angry if something was covered up, angry if you were under the influence and most importantly, angry if you forgot about my son. I am angry that my 17 year-old son paid the ultimate price for your mistake. I am angry that I am here and he is not, angry that I was lied to, mocked and dismissed. But you should know that my son was special. There was something that set him apart. God saw this in him too. God saw everything. 

To the off duty medics who tried to render aid to my son; thank you for doing everything in your power to keep him here with us. Thank you for rushing to my 17 year-old boy who needed someone to tend to him until EMT arrived. To the young girl who stayed with my son until we arrived, thank you. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for what you did that day. God put you all there for a reason.

To the man who prayed with my husband and I, the witnesses who talked to us to tell us the truth, the nurse who made sure I got shoes on my feet, thank you. Thank you all from the bottom of our hearts. Because what you did that day, your small act of kindness, meant the world to us. You were also there for a reason, and we are thankful for that.

To our family, friends, and Cole’s friends; you mean the world to us. Thank you for being such an amazing part of our son’s life. Thank you for allowing his smile to brighten your day, his heart to lift your spirits, and his laughter to fill your rooms. Thank you for not judging him, for caring about him, and for loving him. You mean more to us than you’ll ever know.

To Cole, our inspiration, our hero, our son; thank you for teaching us what it means to love with our whole heart. Thank you for not laying judgment on others, even when it was laid on you. Thank you for using your own struggles to help those around you find a reason to have hope. Thank you for living your life out loud. Thank you for loving your friends and family with your whole heart. Thank you for making us laugh until we cried. Thank you for staying humble and not being prideful. Thank you for always protecting those you love. Thank you for believing in God and having no shame to say it. Thank you for being the life of our time and for giving us the time of our life. We thank God He chose us to be your family. We thank God that He set you apart. We thank God He saw in you what we did.

Until we see you again Cole, we will love and miss you with every breath we take. We will live the rest of our lives to make you proud, finish what you started, and bring glory to God. We love you Colton. Forever and always.

Where was God?

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Where was God on the day that my son died? That one day, one minute, one second that I lost my son? Where was He when that car pulled in front of him, when he had no where to go, and he tried everything to save his life? Where was He when I knelt next to my son and cried as he lie in the middle of the road? Where was He when I cried out to Him to be with my son? Where was He when we hit every red light on the way to the hospital, when I ran into the hospital screaming Cole’s name? Where was He when Cole’s brother broke into a thousand pieces? Where was He when my family fell to there knees in desperation? Where was He when we came home to an empty house, when I got up the next morning and couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, and couldn’t function? Where is He each day as I fight to get up without my son?

God was in the same place that He was when His son was crucified and died on the cross. God was with my son when that car pulled out in front of him. He was with my son while he lay in the middle of the road. He was with my son in the ambulance as the first responders tried frantically to save him. God was with me when I ran into that hospital. God was with us as we waited to hear from the doctor. God was with me on my ride home, as I slept and when I awoke.

God has been with me since the day I accepted Him into my heart, my life and my soul. God has never left me, and He made that promise to me before I was born. God was with my son, He always had been. When I lost my son, my rambunctious, full of life boy, I realized that God has always been with me. It took discovering the conviction and faith that my son had within him, for me to realize that if I open my heart and let God in, He will never leave my side. Jesus reached for my son’s hand that day, that moment, and he took it. I am proud to say that my son believed in God, accepted Jesus as his savior, and I know that he is now flying high as one of God’s angel warriors. If my son cannot be with me, his mom who loves him more than life, there is only one other place I wish for him to be, and that is with the Lord, who loves him more than we can imagine.

Each day God takes my hand, He guides me, and He comforts me. I find peace in that. I find comfort in that, and I have faith in that. I completely trust God and although as difficult as it may be, I will not understand, but God does have a plan. It’s not up to me to figure it out, but it is up to me to glorify His name, believe in Him, trust in Him and love Him. God will never leave me, and He never left Cole.

Some day, God will call me home to be with my son again. Some day, my family will again, be whole. Until then, I will live my life to make Cole proud, to make God proud, and to make a difference.

I love you forever Cole,

Love mom

Thank you God

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Thank you, God, for choosing ME to be Cole’s mom. Thank you for giving him life and placing such a special soul into my arms. Thank you for giving my beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed baby boy life.  Thank you for giving him the spunk that turned every family event into laughter. Thank you for giving him such an outgoing and funny personality, a laugh that carried, and a smile that shined as bright as the sun. Thank you for giving him a grateful heart that saw the good in others, and the compassion to help those who needed a little HOPE. Thank you for allowing him to experience troubles of his own so that he truly possessed the empathy to lift the spirits of those who were down. Thank you for those who didn’t believe in him because it just made him that much stronger. Thank you for giving him the strength to survive broken bones, stitches, asthma, kidney troubles, surgeries, illnesses and a broken back. Thank you for making him an “all boy” who loved the country and everything that went with it. Thank you for giving us a miracle when his blood finally tested clear of a terminal illness. Thank you for filling his heart with Your spirit. Thank you for giving him the courage to stand strong in his faith and believe in You. Thank you for giving him the skill, love and passion to hunt. Thank you for giving him all those years at the farm to go muddin’ in his truck and four-wheeler. Thank you for giving him such amazing people and friends in his life. Thank you for giving him the courage to stand up for what’s right and the size to take care of himself. Thank you for making him an excellent chef who loved to cook breakfast and dinner for his family. Thank you for giving him the true wisdom to know right from wrong. Thank you for giving him eyes that saw the beauty in Your world. Thank you for giving him the conviction to live life to the fullest and the passion to stop and smell the roses, each and every day. Thank you for giving him a heart that loved his family more than words could say. Thank you for all the laughter, the tears, the memories and the years that we had with our son.  Thank you, for giving us the time of our life, and the life of our time. Thank you, God, for choosing US as Cole’s family. Thank you for choosing Blake to be his brother, and Chad to be his father. Thank you, God. Thank you, for those amazing years with my son, and thank you, for giving Your son, so that I may be with my son again.

Gina Buehner

Cole’s mom forever

I can imagine…a letter to Cole.

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I imagine your tuxedo that you would wear at your high school prom; something with a touch of camo on it I’m sure. I can imagine your beautiful smile draped in your graduation gown as you stand a foot taller than those around you as you walk down the aisle to your seat at graduation. I can imagine your best man speech at Blake’s wedding and I know that it would bring everyone to tears from laughing so hard. I can imagine when you find your true love, the one girl that you would spend the rest of your life with. The one girl that you would treat just like you treat your mamma; like a queen. I can imagine when you have your first child and although he would be as big as you when you were born, he would still fit in the palm of your giant hand. You would hold him and whisper to him that you would always do what’s best for him, love him, and protect him for his entire life.

I can also imagine that you are now more alive than you have ever been before. I imagine you flying with angels and your beautiful wings spreading for miles. I can imagine that you have the tallest, loudest and toughest truck around, taking it through mud holes bigger than you’ve ever seen. I can imagine that you see deer with more points and bigger bodies than ever seen on earth. I imagine you walking through the fields that you love, with whispering winds quietly blowing the tall grass. I have to chuckle, when I imagine you picking blackberries from the biggest blackberry bushes ever, because I can see your stained lips from eating half of them before gathering them in your bucket. I imagine that you see rainbows that are more colorful and beautiful beyond the human imagination, filled with colors that earth does not hold.

I imagine the homecoming celebration that we will have when our family chain is linked once again. I know that you will be the angel to greet each of us as God calls us home. I can also imagine you pushing other angels aside to get to us as we begin to make our journey to heaven saying, “watch out, that’s my family!” I can only imagine the biggest, most beautiful smile on your face when I see you again Cole. Although I know that God has work for me yet to do here on earth, I long for the day when I can once again hug you and hold you tight. I cannot wait to see you again Cole, and I find comfort in knowing, that because of God’s grace, I WILL see you again. I love you so much Colton.

Love mom